Want to hear about my Facebook Faux-Pas Extraordinaire?  Trust me, it’ll make you feel better about yourself. 

First, a confession: I am a Facebook neophyte.  I still don’t quite understand what all of the links do, how they differ from one another, what messages go nuclear and what stays local, etc. 

Unfortunately, though, my Facebook Faux-Pas Extraordinaire has nothing to do with my Facebook ignorance!  I WISH I could blame it on that.  Rather, it has everything to do with my proclivity to make assumptions and then…yes, you guessed it…subsequently make a complete ass of myself.

Without giving away details that will result in the people in question being identified – and thus resulting in me making an ass of myself two days in a row – here goes.

A blurb came up on my Facebook page where a friend (I’ll call her “Jewel”) posted a picture of herself with some friends at a reunion of sorts.  Standing next to her was her husband, a very, very good friend of mine (whom I’ll call “Joshua”).  I’ve known him since we were kids.

Jewel posted a caption to the effect of, “Still looking good after all these years.”  And she was right; they did look good after all these years — except for Joshua who I thought HAD aged.  In fact, he had gone from having mostly brown hair to mostly gray hair….in just a few months.  Well, I couldn’t let that go.  Remember now, we’re very good friends and I’ve known him since we were kids.  So I made a comment to the effect of:

“You’re right, Jewel. You guys do look amazing…except for that gray-haired old fart standing next to you!”

Happy with my witty output for the moment, I click on “home” again and up comes the same picture from a different angle.  This time, the shot is head on.  There’s Jewel.  And…oh Lord…THAT’S NOT JOSHUA STANDING NEXT TO HER!!!!

I have just called a perfect stranger a gray-haired old fart!  I squirm and start hyper-ventilating.

I race back to the original picture, delete my comment as fast as I can — was it fast enough? — and then…I wait for it.  And it comes.  While laughing her butt off at work, Jewel writes to say that she’s sure her non-Joshua friend will appreciate being called a gray-haired old fart by a perfect stranger.   

I squirm some more.

Until I read that he’s not a Facebook user.

I’m still an ass.  But at least I’m laughing now.

But there’s a big lesson here for me.  It’s not the first time I’ve made an assumption and looked like an idiot.  I’ve been with new clients before, going through their home, and assumed there was an intact couple living there.  Upon seeing the guest bedroom with the bed unmade, I have said stupid things like, “Oh, do you have guests?” In fact, the couple had been sleeping in separate bedrooms for some time. They were headed for divorce. I’ve done this twice.

The next time I feel the need to make conversation or to be witty, both personally and professionally, I’m going to think twice…or maybe three times…and I’ll remember my Facebook Faux-Pas Extraordinaire.  Fool me once, I’m an idiot.  Fool me twice, well…you…I…how does that go again?